Adoption: Loss and Healing

Image courtesy of Mum's The Word - Documentary film on Canada’s Dark History on Forced Adoption. March 2020.

The bond between mother and child is sacred. Severing that bond by adoption can cause life-long loss, grief and trauma to mothers, adoptees and other family members.  

Many adoptees experience issues related to developing and maintaining relationships, identity, always feeling that something is missing, body image and self-worth, rejection and abandonment, parenting of their own children and substance abuse.  

Many mothers experience pervasive and chronic Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, a sense of loss and grief lasting a lifetime,  shame, fear, guilt and secrecy as well as stress related physical ailments including fibromyalgia, migraines, secondary infertility and substance abuse.

The need for healing the emotional damage caused by adoption continues to be under-acknowledged and under-serviced. 

Psychiatrists, psychologists, clinical counsellors and other mental health professionals are often not knowledgeable with respect to adoption specific issues and adoption trauma. 

Refer to www.originscanada.org for a list of research studies and articles about adoption loss and trauma.

If you have been separated from a family member by adoption, especially forced adoption, help is available. In BC and across Canada there are many groups and organizations dedicated to supporting mothers, adoptees and other family members.

For help, call 1-604-828-9577.


The B.C. Catholic Coverage

Separated at birth: ‘if I kept my child, I could never return home’
Bernadette Dumas-Rymer (Sept. 2020) 

‘What does it take for a culture to change?’
Therese Dumas-Curtis (Oct. 2020)

Adoption gone wrong
James Borkowski (Sept. 2020)

‘Perfect storm’ forced 300,000 mothers to give up their babies
Agnieszka Ruck (Sept. 2020) 

New film grapples with ‘one of the biggest secrets’ in Canadian history
Agnieszka Ruck (Oct. 2020) 

Two years after Senate report on forced adoption, mothers are still waiting for apology
Agnieszka Ruck (Oct. 2020) 

Digging deep: adoptees share the emotional journeys of discovering their roots
Agnieszka Ruck (Oct. 2020)

Mum’s the Word: no anger, just pain, healing, justice and mercy
David Baird (Oct. 2020)

Archbishop Miller’s Mother’s Day Blessing

May 2021

Apology for the Church's Role in Coerced Adoption

May 2022

The Archdiocese of Vancouver apologizes for our participation in the separation of mothers and fathers from their children. Our role in any pressured and coerced adoptions created a legacy of pain and suffering. We contributed to a culture of shame, guilt and secrecy, which often led to pain and isolation.   

Read the full apology


Resources

Forget Me Not Family Society

604-828-9577 www.adoptioncircles.com
The Forget Me Not Family Society is a non-profit society formed for education, consulting, peer counselling, and to offer support to anyone affected by adoption. They provide monthly support group meetings in New Westminster and Abbotsford, and Zoom meetings. It is based in Vancouver, B.C. 

Origins Canada: Supporting Those Separated By Adoption

416-400-5730 www.originscanada.org
Origins is a national organization founded to provide confidential support to people separated from their families by adoption, to provide resources to mothers considering an adoption plan, and to advise governments, mental health professionals, and others with respect to adoption policies, practices, and trauma. It is based in Richmond Hill, Ontario.

Adoption Support Kinship (ASK)

416-545-0912 www.askaboutreunion.org
ASK, based in Toronto, provides search and reunion assistance and support in a caring, empathetic, and non-judgmental atmosphere. Support is offered to all members no matter where they are in their adoption journey. ASK is holding monthly Zoom meetings. Please contact ASK to learn more about the meetings.

Parent Finders Ottawa And Parent Finders National Office

613-730-8305 www.parentfindersottawa.ca
Parent Finders, founded in 1976, is Canada’s longest-running adoption support group. This non-profit organization offers help to reunite family members separated by adoption. It is based in Ottawa, but is linked to a network of resources across the country.

Canadian Council of Natural Mothers

facebook.com/Canadian-Council-of-Natural-Mothers-277088990223
The CCNM, founded in 2000, supports mothers and fathers who have lost children to adoption, people who have been adopted or grew up in foster care, and relatives including natural siblings, natural grandparents, and natural aunts and uncles. It operates under a philosophy of keeping families together and supports the rights of adoptees and parents to access information adoption records.  

  • Australian National Apology for Forced Adoptions: 2013
  • Australian Roman Catholic Church Apology for Forced Adoptions: Padraig Collins, July 2011
  • Pope apologizes for ‘crimes’ against Irish women and children: Winfield & DeCristofard, August, 2018
  • THE SHAME IS OURS Forced Adoptions of the Babies of Unmarried Mothers: The Senate of Canada Report, July 2018
  • The United Church of Canada Apology for Past Adoption Practices, November, 2020

Mums the Word

Interactive film documentary on Canada’s Dark History of Forced Adoptions:
Colin Scheyen, Producer/Director, E & W Productions. March 2020.
mumsthewordthefilm.com

The 40-Year Secret

Mary Anne Alton, Producer, director, writer and entrepreneur. whose experience spans a variety of platforms from Lemm communications, Inc. television, radio, digital to print. January 2010.

Evelyn Robinson

Mother, author, presenter, Clinician Social Worker.
Clova Publications/Adelaide, South Australia
Books, Articles, Presentations, Picture Gallery, News/Blog
clovapublications.com/articles

Carol Schaefer

Mother, author, Presenter, Adoption Reunion Coach, Support Group Facilitator
Books, Media and Movies, Blog,
carolschaeferauthor.com

Joe Soll - Adoption Healing

Adoptee, Author, Presenter, Psychotherapist
Books, Resources, Articles, Healing Weekends, Services, Educational videos
ADOPTION HEALING a Path to Recovery (for Adoptees) and mothers
adoptionhealing.com

Nancy Verrier

Mother, Author, Lecturer, Psychoanalyst
Resources, Articles, Services, Educational videos
nancyverrier.com

Adoptees

  • Jennifer Lauck: Adoptee, author, journalist:  many books on adoption loss and healing
  • Partick McMahon: Adoptee: Becoming Patrick: A Memoir – Search for his mother.
  • Khara Nine: Cries of the Soul: A True Story of an Adoptees fight to survive.
  • Betty Jean: Books: Lost and Found;Twice Born; Journey of the Adopted Self

Mothers

  • Valerie J. Andrews: White Unwed Mother: The Adoption Mandate in Post-War Canada
  • Ann Fessler: The Girls Who Went Away
  • Patti Hawn: Good Girls Don’t
  • Anne Petrie: Gone to an Aunts: Remembering Mothers
  • Martin Sexsmith: Philomena Canada’s Home for Unwed Mothers

Fathers

  • Gary Clapton: Birth Fathers and their Adoption Experiences